No More; No Less.

    It occurred to Pooh and Piglet that they hadn't heard from Eeyore for several days, so they put on their hats and coats and trotted across the Hundred Acre Wood to Eeyore's stick house. Inside the house was Eeyore. "Hello Eeyore," said Pooh. "Hello Pooh. Hello Piglet," said Eeyore, in a glum sounding voice. “We just thought we'd check in on you," said Piglet, "because we hadn't heard from you, and so we wanted to know if you were okay." 

    Eeyore was silent for a moment. "Am I okay?" he asked, eventually. "Well, I don't know, to be honest. Are any of us really okay? That's what I ask myself. All I can tell you, Pooh and Piglet, is that right now I feel really rather sad, and alone, and not much fun to be around at all. Which is why I haven't bothered you. Because you wouldn't want to waste your time hanging out with someone who is sad, and alone, and not much fun to be around at all, would you now?"

    Pooh looked at Piglet, and Piglet looked at Pooh, and they both sat down, one on either side of Eeyore in his stick house. Eeyore looked at them in surprise. "What are you doing?" "We're sitting here with you," said Pooh, "because we are your friends. And true friends don't care if someone is feeling sad, or alone, or not much fun to be around at all. True friends are there for you anyway. And so here we are." "Oh," said Eeyore. "Oh." And the three of them sat there in silence, and while Pooh and Piglet said nothing at all; somehow, almost imperceptibly, Eeyore started to feel a very tiny little bit better. Because Pooh and Piglet were there. No more; no less.

(Story and Photo Credit: A.A. Milne, E.H. Shepard)

    Some days,  I am a fearless warrior. Other days, I am a big hot mess. Most days, I am both. Regardless of the days, though, I am always tackling it, either way or both ways, by myself. I have had Poohs and Piglets before, but, due to many hardships over the years, I have buried myself so deep in my own One Hundred Acre Wood that they would not be able to find me. However, I know they are not looking for me anymore and I know the reason for that. I used to let them sit with me and I used to sit with them when they needed it. But, somehow, I got to the point where my burdens felt like they were too much to share and I retreated. I thought I was doing the right thing. I only wanted to weigh myself down and not them but, by not letting them be there for me, now I know that my actions also inadvertently caused me to not be there for them. 

    Mental health is a strange mixed bag. It’s filled with courage and fear. Confidence and self doubt. Hope and despair. Togetherness and isolation. We all have one, and, yet, we still choose to either show it, share it, hide it, or act like it’s not even there. My mixed bag is hidden in my One Hundred Acre Wood where it will never be found by anyone else but me. It is right next to my stick house where every stick that shelters me represents one heartache or another I have not dealt with properly. It’s a pretty big stick house.  

    I am currently facing another hardship, and, since it involves a loved one, I clearly know I cannot hide in my stick house this time. So, I am doing my very best to put the heartache it is causing me aside, and be the Pooh or Piglet this person needs right now. Although, everyday, I am fighting the urge to retreat back to the wood, make sure my bag is hidden, and add another stick to my house. 

    I realize, through supporting her right now, the importance of helping others to maintain their mental health, and, when you can’t do it alone, you need to let your Poohs and Piglets in to support you. If you can’t totally show or share with them your mixed bag, that’s okay. Just don’t hide it or act like it’s not even there. For now, simply allow them to find you, sit with you, and be there for you. No more, no less, until YOU are ready to knock down your stick house, leave your One Hundred Acre Wood, and take your mixed bag with you.  

 #mentalhealth #mixedbag #stickhouse #I'llsitwithyouandbeyourpoohorpiglet #friendship #fighttheurge #nomorenoless

I Love ___ (My Tom T. Hall Tribute)

I just found out the "The Storyteller" died this past Friday. Since the beloved Tom T. Hall poetically shared with us what he loved in his song, "I Love," I decided I would share things too that I love as a tribute to him. I am no Tom T. Hall but I adore this song enough to put myself out there for him as he always did for us. So, here it goes:

I love fireflies flickering in the dark, slowly strolling through the park

Ice cream on a hot afternoon, and the moon

I love owls hooting into the night, children giggling with delight

The smell of coffee in the morning, and exploring

And I love you too

I love walking barefoot in the grass, remembering loved ones that have passed

Art that speaks to me, and the sea

I love classic muscle cars, bands that play in bars

Clouds that look like shapes, and grapes

And I love you too

I love when a good song comes on the radio, lazy days when there is nowhere 

you have to go,

A candlelit church on Christmas Eve, and trees

I love a cool breeze on an Autumn day, when things just seem to go your way

Dragonflies gliding through the sky, and pie

And I love you too Mr. Hall

Photo credit: tom_t_hall.jpg (1200×630) (rickyskaggs.com)

To Mask Or Not To Mask? That Is The Question.

 

    17 months. It has been 17 months since this pandemic started. Remember flatten the curve? Then, wear a mask, socially distance, hand sanitize. Remember all that? Oh, and, of course, don't forget to step right up and get your vaccine. Pfizer, Moderna, J&J....whichever one you want, just get it. So, yeah, where are we at now after 17 months of all of this? I'll tell you where we are at.....worse than where we were 17 months ago even after all these guidelines and vaccines were applied. How can that be? Well, that's a good question. Let me see if I can help you figure that out. Of course, I can only give you what I see from my neck of the woods but I'm in Florida so...Yes, I said Florida, and I can hear your reaction loud and clear.     

    We here in Florida, think (good time to say I don't think this, by the way) we don't have to wear masks anymore.  So much so, that we just sent our kids back to school during a HUGE (yes, that big that it needs to be capitalized) surge of the Delta Variant (which might I add is more contagious and widespread to all ages than the Alpha version of Covid 19) because, well, simply put, we are Florida. 

    Now, two weeks after sending said kids to school without making masks mandatory, we (being the school boards) are having emergency meetings to discuss if we were maybe a little too naive in our decisions since staff and students are testing positive and/or being quarantined left and right AND the schools are understaffed AND the students at home have been cut off from a virtual option since we didn't need that either anymore. In their defense, our fearless leader, Governor Desantis, has threatened to cut off funds to school districts if they go against his optional mask approach to our school year. However, some districts like Hillsborough County who have over 10,000 students and staff quarantined in just one week have decided to face the consequences and go against him given the numbers they are facing. 

    So, as I sit here on the eve of our own school district deciding to mask or not to mask, I feel pissed. We did our part the whole way through. We masked, socially distanced, used hand sanitizer, and those of us eligible, all got vaccinated. We even went beyond that by homeschooling last year and forgoing sports and extracurricular activities. So, with our virtual option removed, I voluntarily masked up my kids as they returned to school and urged them to be as careful as possible, while I have sat back and watched the shit show unfold from home. I am so disgusted with Florida. In our bold attempt to be the land of freedom where no restrictions exist, we have created a hot spot where not only the students and staff are caught in the crossfire, but, the hospitals and medical teams are spread so thin that they can't keep up with the positive cases either. 

Yes, plenty will argue, and trust me, they seem to love to, that we don't need masks if we are vaccinated.  Well, we do. We all do because the unvaccinated are the highest percentage in the hospitals and we are around them. So, if we can't convince everyone to get vaccinated, then, we are all back to wearing masks since the rate of infections is so high again.   The vaccine is not your bulletproof vest so you can still catch it and spread it and that is not a risk I am willing to take being around children that are not eligible to have the vaccine and are now more susceptible to the Delta Variant. I care too damn much about my young child and yours for that matter to not do my part right now as should you. So, once again, to mask or not to mask? That is the question. My answer (in my most frustrated and loud voice ever because this should not even be a question given the rate of infection right now): Yes, wear your f*cking mask (and if you really want to help...get your vaccination too) so this doesn't go on for another 17 months!

When Your Social Battery Runs Out...Poof!

 I wish it was just as easy to disappear in real life as it is on social media....poof, I’m gone. Shut down and activate recharge. If only, it was that simple!  After a very difficult period, I’ve needed to take care of the introvert in me because, as the comic strip perfectly explains it, my social battery has been drained so much that even writing has not been a sufficient enough outlet for me. With that said, I have not totally lost my mind either and I know I can’t let myself poof and disappear forever. I have an inner voice too and it keeps whispering, “You need to write.” So, here, I am, again, doing what I do when I need to do it. 

Self preservation is so necessary for me. I need silence so I can hear my thoughts and what they are trying to tell me. Then, I need stillness, so my mind can rest. Finally, and most importantly, I need distance so my body and soul can renew themselves and find their way again. This cycle, luckily and quite beautifully, comes naturally to me. However, finding the space and time it takes, has not. 

The pandemic and its ripple effect has created such a haze around me that I have not been able to disconnect long enough to heal so I can return to the fight. Instead, I have allowed it to cut much deeper than I usually would and now there is no bandage large enough to hide it. So, it’s either amputate it and let it all go or save it and figure out how to fix it. My indecisiveness has caused me to poof and disappear but my inner voice, that nagging little bitch that she is, has taken my magical poof button away, and is making me choose. Should I cut my losses or should I put on my thinking cap and pull myself out? 

If you are waiting for an answer, just stop reading and leave now. I’m not quite there yet. But I will tell you where I am currently....I am here  and this is exactly where I need to be....for now. 

Jumanji: The Next Level

                 July 1st: Level 7: Congratulations! You have made it to the next level of Jumanji.

That's how it's starting to feel when we make it through another month of this dreadful year we are all having.  Above are the expressions we all make when we lift our phones and sign onto social media to see what new challenges the day is bringing as if all the other ones up until this point weren't enough. So far, we've had a global pandemic called COVID-19 which has brought us daily reports of newly infected cases and death tolls. It has altered everything! The way we socialize, shop, educate our children and live. The mask has become the new bra...They are uncomfortable but you have to wear them in public or everyone notices you are not. However, people still refuse to even though it has been recommended and in some locations mandatory. We don't argue about the benefits of bike helmets, life jackets, or sunscreen, but we argue about masks?? Doesn't make sense people! Just wear a damn mask!
Then, we have had murder hornets. Yes, hornets that commit murder...well, kind of. They are large Asian hornets which generally don't attack people but bees, and, yet, we have managed to give them a scary name and exaggerated their size. Why? Because we can and it is just another way to perpetuate fear in a time when everyone is already fragile. Also, did you know flushing drugs down the toilet can create hyper-aggressive alligators? Oh yes! Meth gators. It's a thing too. Oh 2020, what are we going to do with you? It's too much for one year. You should have spaced it out, but, let's keep going...
There were videos released by the U.S. Department of Defense showing unidentified flying objects maneuvering around Navy pilots. UFOs! E.T., Close Encounters of the Third Kind, Independence Day! Hollywood loves this shit and so do we, but, believe it or not, no one really seemed to even care. Are we so drained by the pandemic that something as potentially amazing as the possibility of real extraterrestrials, not the movie kind we are used to, visiting us and the government actually acknowledging it, doesn't even faze us? Well, that seems to be the case as it's 15 minutes of fame was short-lived and already tucked away. Come on, people, they were airborne heat-emitting objects without wings performing aerodynamics that no known aircraft can achieve and we are not intrigued or even impressed? Well, I'm personally disappointed in you all. It could have been an amazing discovery or at least a really good and much-needed distraction at this time.
Okay, point made and I'll move on. Another passerby that made the news...The giant Godzilla dust known as the Saharan Dust Cloud made its way to us this summer. Like the murder hornets, hugely exaggerated by the media, but it did happen. I didn't see anything different personally, but another good headline to add to the list.
In other news, Kim Jong-un was reported dead then not dead, Prince Harry walked away from the British monarchy and became a commoner like the rest of us, Bernie felt the bern and dropped out of the presidential race leaving us with "Sleepy Joe" Biden as the contender against "The Donald."
And last but certainly not least. A video showing a police officer using excessive force against a black man named George Floyd and how his death has unleashed a wave of Black Lives Matter protesting and riots across our already divided country.
Let's be honest, we live in a world where more people are interested in Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston speaking to each other at an awards ceremony than the out of control fires in Australia back in January (which I don't even know what happened to since we rolled into this haze of coronavirus monopolizing our news) People would seriously rather talk about the Tiger King and if Carol totally killed her husband than a dead whale being found in the middle of the Amazon rain forest so I don't have much faith in our society to mend and heal from the real issues we should be dealing with.
As much as I would love to throw a turkey in the oven, string a few lights, and open a few presents and call it a year, it's not that easy and I'm not sure it should be either. Maybe we need to see 2020 as an opportunity for our society to rethink, change, and grow. We have all had to process and adapt to the same issues but how we do it, whether on our own or together, could write the next chapter to this ongoing story we are living in and leaving behind to the future. For example, we can remove flags and statues all day but unfortunately, that will not remove the ignorance or hate inside of someone. We need to change minds not history right now. Do we want to be remembered as the most heated groups of blacks vs whites, democrats vs republicans, mask wearers vs non-mask wearers, do you catch my drift? I would like to see it end with a period that reflected perseverance, compassion, and development other than an exclamation full of negligence, indifference, and instability. I guess what I'm trying to say is less talk, more listening. Either way, we are on the next level together but will we make it to the next one if we don't stop fighting and pulling ourselves together (while wearing your mask and staying 6 feet apart of course!)  and forming some real communication and progress other than adding to the daily bombardment of challenges? You may think the choice is yours, but, the answer you come up with becomes everyone's answer so choose wisely, and keep in mind, we still have 5 more levels to go.

Coronavirus 2020: The Global Burden

I finished my last post unplugging from social media to find a simpler, kinder, and less distracted life that I had been craving. Boy, what a difference a few months can make! News of the coronavirus had been circling around on the news feeds even then, but, it had been confined to China. Then, Italy....Spain.....etc....then, suddenly Washington. Wait, what, Washington!?! That's when it hit me.... This is not like something my generation has seen before! In a short time, this became not just a country's burden but a global burden.
So, my planned hiatus has been put on the back burner as I have found it virtually impossible to keep up with the latest news by not partaking in social media. As we all social distance, quarantine, wear masks, limit essential shopping, endlessly wash and bathe our hands in soap and sanitizer, virtual school our kids, watch mass on youtube, facetime our family and friends, and maneuver through the endless amounts of fact vs. myth, statistics, memes, press conferences, and local-national-global news, what are we doing so we don't lose our minds over this overwhelming amount of daily pandemic chaos?
For me, I created my "save my sanity" spot where I can escape outside, drink out of my favorite coffee mug, listen to the birds, enjoy my tropical garden, and remind myself, oh yeah, it is Springtime! It is my place to "Bee Happy" as my pillow suggests, delve into sights, colors, tastes, and sounds that make me happy, and most importantly, have a couple of minutes each day to peacefully remember what I am still grateful for through this highly unusual time. Creating this space that inspires and reflects me has truly been my saving grace. It comforts me and re-energizes me when I return back into the coronavirus lifestyle we have become necessarily accustomed to.  What are you doing for your own mental health or well being through this time?


                                                     My "save my sanity" spot:

                                                           My Springtime tropical view:

                                                            My favorite coffee mug:

                                                                                                   




                                                                                                   

The Reset Button

I was recently watching Forrest Gump and one scene in particular kept coming back to me. It was when Lieutenant Dan finally let go of the self loathing which had caused him so much suffering. Then, he simply said thank you to Forrest for saving his life, leaped off the shrimp boat, and gently swam off into the distance while Forrest reflected on how Lt. Dan had made his peace that day.
It would be so much easier if we could hit a reset button rather than having to go through years of self punishment and pain to reach a point of acceptance and healing but life is not that simple.
However, a new year does seem to be the closest thing we have. A new year, a new chance to start over. Even though, realistically, every day is a new day as well but people seem to prefer January 1st as their new beginning.
I openly admit self punishment and pain I am not immune to. Some I have control over. Some I don't. So, the ongoing resolutions that I, and, everyone else for that matter, throw around like: Lose weight, eat healthy, sleep more, drink less alcohol, cut down on stress, blah blah blah.... we just can't accomplish if there is more to it. For some there isn't, but, for a lot, those are only the "surface" problems and you have to work out the underlying stuff first. Then, usually, the rest will follow. So, aim big or small with your resolutions. The choice is yours but choose wisely and make it stick.
This year, I'm going big. My first bold move is I'm going off Facebook. Gasp! I know, daring right!?!
The likes, followers, comments, selfies, what you had for dinner, your political views, if you were a spirit animal which one would you be......if I'm being quite honest. I don't care. I have found it more exhausting than helpful for quite a while now and the time has come to fill those wasted moments with more useful things to do. I want to get back to the more simpler life I enjoyed pre-social media and without the distractions it has created. So, the phone is going down and my camera, art pencils, keyboard, and crossword puzzles are getting dusted off. You can see it as me "unfriending you" but I'm not. Now, we don't have to walk by each other on the sidewalk because we already know everything going on with each other from our "feeds." We might actually talk face to face again. Imagine that!
Secondly, and, most importantly, I'm learning to be kinder to myself. I internalize A LOT which is another reason why I need to dust off my old tools for stress. Sometimes,that inner voice I battle needs an outlet too. So, me and that little voice of mine are getting some much needed TLC.
And that's it but enough for now. So, finger out. Reset Button hit. Here's to a happier, simpler, and less distracted 2020.