I wish it was just as easy to disappear in real life as it is on social media....poof, I’m gone. Shut down and activate recharge. If only, it was that simple! After a very difficult period, I’ve needed to take care of the introvert in me because, as the comic strip perfectly explains it, my social battery has been drained so much that even writing has not been a sufficient enough outlet for me. With that said, I have not totally lost my mind either and I know I can’t let myself poof and disappear forever. I have an inner voice too and it keeps whispering, “You need to write.” So, here, I am, again, doing what I do when I need to do it.
Self preservation is so necessary for me. I need silence so I can hear my thoughts and what they are trying to tell me. Then, I need stillness, so my mind can rest. Finally, and most importantly, I need distance so my body and soul can renew themselves and find their way again. This cycle, luckily and quite beautifully, comes naturally to me. However, finding the space and time it takes, has not.
The pandemic and its ripple effect has created such a haze around me that I have not been able to disconnect long enough to heal so I can return to the fight. Instead, I have allowed it to cut much deeper than I usually would and now there is no bandage large enough to hide it. So, it’s either amputate it and let it all go or save it and figure out how to fix it. My indecisiveness has caused me to poof and disappear but my inner voice, that nagging little bitch that she is, has taken my magical poof button away, and is making me choose. Should I cut my losses or should I put on my thinking cap and pull myself out?
If you are waiting for an answer, just stop reading and leave now. I’m not quite there yet. But I will tell you where I am currently....I am here and this is exactly where I need to be....for now.
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