Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Four More Years

Tonight, we, as a nation, were given closure to a very long and nasty election year. The people decided and was it the right decision? Well, I guess we will have to wait and see....
It was such a cut throat & unattractive battle by both sides in such a tumultous time that I wasn't really happy with either choice we were given or even the final result for that matter!
Furthermore, as all of the media outlets started reporting the final votes as they came in, those numbers spoke to me more than the decision that was finally made.
If you look at the map and not just the electoral votes, there was no clear winner and this race just proved it even further that we really are living in a divided country.
I think sometimes as a winner it is more beneficial to look at the votes you DIDN'T get and WHY than the ones you did receive.
That is my final comment to our president as we look forward to another four years of uncertainty.
Photo Credit: http://psychicsquestions.com/my-predicted-2012-electionobama-vs-mitt-romney-who-wins.html

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Through the Years....

I just had another birthday last week and I find myself starting to get a little more restless as time goes by. It is not the age that bothers me so much but more like the lack of time I have left that gets to me a little more every year.
I blame it on too many episodes of "Who Do You Think You Are?" but I have totally gotten hooked on tracing my roots to the point that I actually contacted my oldest living relative to find out some information that the countless hours on the computer just couldn't give me.
I hadn't talked to my uncle in years....seventeen years to be exact. He was not particularly close to us and I had really only seen him a handful of times in my whole life. I would describe my father's relationship with him to be more courteous than brotherly. Always respectful but lacking emotion. However, my intention was not to delve into issues that were probably not even my place to try and understand nor to try and form a bond with him that I never had. I just really wanted to finish what I had started with my research.
So, I overcame the potential awkwardness to pick the brain of an 88 year old man not knowing what kind of reception I would get. To my surprise, he was not only receptive but actually seemed pleased to hear from me and also wanted to see me in person.
I agreed to meet him and we both drove halfway and spent a weekend together in Savannah. He brought a box of old letters oozing with all the information I wanted and I brought my laptop and showed him all of the research I had done. Sitting there together, there was no awkwardness and I saw a softer side of him I had never seen as he reminisced about the past and even my father. I thought to myself about how I wished I could have seen this in him before now and what would my dad think of all of this if he was still around?
Seeing him gave me a renewed sense of accomplishment in finding out even more about my family and I decided to travel even further to visit a couple of graveyards before I turned for home. Some I had been to before and some I had never seen.
When you start doing genealogy, you become so familiar with the names, places, and dates on the pages and the letters my uncle had given me had opened up a new dimension to these ancestors. It gave me a glimpse of their personalities, interests, and relationships through their own words. So, to stand in their final resting places truly was like ending a beautiful journey with people I felt like I had actually gotten to know.
So, I sit here before you as I am half way through my own life and wondering what stories people will tell about me? Is it things that have already happened or memories that have yet to be formed?
Hence, the restlessness I am starting to feel. Has my life had enough purpose? Will I utilize the time I have left or waste it away? Maybe I think too much and that is what people will say most about me someday!

What do you hope to be remembered most for or what words do you think will be used to describe you best?

Photo credit: I took this photo of one of our family plots in South Carolina. I loved the gate you had to use to enter the space and the feeling of peace I felt once I walked through it.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Be Yourself

"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” — Oscar Wilde

I came across this quote today and it particularly struck a chord with me as I have to listen to all of this political stuff day in and out. Speeches, phonecalls, social media, TV Ads, it is everywhere. I hate election years. I hate the mud slinging. I hate not knowing fact from fiction. I don't have the time or interest to be a fact checker. I don't believe everything I am told. I don't know what to believe. That is why this quote got me thinking about politics. Be yourself. Sounds easy enough but is that even possible in politics? Too many people to please, too many votes to try and get, too many people telling you  how to look, how to act and what to say. How do they (being Romney and Obama) even remember who they REALLY are or what they really BELIEVE in?
I love this country but not everything it stands for. I think the government is involved in too much, I think alot of greed and no sacrafice has gotten us into this economic disaster, and I think it is a big hot mess to try and fix for anyone who gets into office. That's me being myself and even if everyone else was NOT taken, I wouldn't want to be anyone else, and, especially, not a politician. ;>)

Monday, August 27, 2012

Tropical Storm Isaac: Never Forget

8/27/2012: Never Forget

This was the storm that never was.....

Yes, I live in Florida and part of living in Florida is accepting that we are in a hurricane prone zone. However, I still manage to get caught up in the hype when they pop up on the radar.
The news stations overload you with the impending doom: buy batteries, fill up jugs with water, find your flashlights, stockpile canned food, keep your pets, your children and yourself in doors!!!! The storm like no other storm we have ever had before is COMING!!! Take cover and good luck.....
This happens EVERY TIME one of those nasty storms hit the Gulf of Mexico whether it is a tropical depression or a full fledged hurricane, the message is ALWAYS the same. So, the stores are packed, then the roads are empty.
Waiting, waiting, waiting, ooh is that wind? Yep, there is some wind! Then, the rain. Then...nothing in Isaac's case. All the hype and none of the glory for poor Isaac. So, in his honor, I give you this photo and give him a little glory for what he did (or did not do) to the State of Florida.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

A Day Full of Random Thoughts

Why did I have to see a snake today??? I do realize that I have to share the Earth with them but I am not willing to share my own personal space too. So, that snake that uninvitedly slithered past me in the driveway today, PLEASE don't ever do that again!
I never realized how much my boss looks and acts like Judge Judy. I don't mean it as a compliment or an insult, just simply stating a "huh" moment I had when I realized the similarity.
Sunnyvale, California? Do you like reading my blog? Either way, I see you visit me often and thank you for your time here.
Ah, 22 month olds! How can something cute be so tiring? Please learn to take a nap so I can garden again, maybe actually finish a cup of tea while it is still hot or even remotely warm, and some actual me time for personal hygiene..how about a long bath versus not even being able to remember if I brushed my teeth today, now we are talking! Please consider this and let me know as soon as you can talk.
And FINALLY....a new motto for myself as I am entertaining the notion of going to where I have not gone before: I would rather live a life full of "oh wells" than "what ifs."
Hopefully this final random thought won't be just a random thought!
Goodnight blogosphere.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

A Day of Reflection

We use our memories to re-live moments just like we use dates to mark days we do not want to forget. When the two intertwine and a certain date triggers those memories, it is amazing how vivid that day becomes all over again every year. I have been re-living this date for 6 years now since July 17th marks a day I will never forget.
Up until July 16th, 2006, I had never thought about or ever had to deal with the concept of my own death. It's kind of one of those things that we all know we have to do someday but we never actually expect it to happen suddenly at any given moment.
I think I always assumed, like most, I would grow old versus dying young, and, certainly, after just giving birth to my son, the thought of death never entered my mind, only life. His life and the life I had just given him. Then, July 17th rolled around...a blood clot...in my lung...that almost killed me.
I obviously survived it, but, this date always becomes a day of reflection for me. I re-live the pain, the fear, the recovery, and the return into my life. I think if I try to forget that it really happened then I am not fully living my life or doing it any justice. I admit, my thoughts have shifted to many different moods over the years, but, I usually come to the same conclusion every year.
I am a survivor, I may always have this awful and painful nerve damage but it is much better than being dead, I am tougher and stronger because of this, I also have a deeper appreciation because of this, and it wasn't my time for a reason. A reason I believe is my children. I am still here for them and because of them and I was also given the gift of bringing another incredible child in my life since then.
I only allow myself every July 17th to feel and think this way. Then, the day ends and so does the memories of it until next year. I know to move forward, I can't keep looking back but I do, once a year, turn around and glance at that day. Feel what I want to feel and, then, say goodbye to the day and those thoughts of what could have been and what it has been since then....

Sunday, July 8, 2012

The Chronic Daydreamer

I am a chronic daydreamer. Always have been, and, always will be. The little girl ballsy enough to sit in the front row of the classroom and still gaze out the window...that was me. The restless teenager always rushing everywhere but still stalling when the light turned green because my mind was elsewhere...that was me.
I assumed as I got older and life either got more interesting or challenging, I would have much less time for drifting thoughts, but, I still do...everyday. Those necessary but brief moments where my mind can not only escape, but, dream, has become, well, blissful to me.
I daydream about the same house over and over again with the cozy fireplace and the welcoming front porch on the tree lined street that I hope to be able to find while my kids are still young.
I ponder about my relationships and friendships...why some of them are so significant and others are much more complicated than they should be.
I often reflect about good memories from days gone by....the ones that instantly warm your heart and make you smile. 
Sometimes I pay homage to some loved ones that I will never forget and think about what I hope I said to them enough when I had the chance.
I can be standing in the Louvre or gazing at the mountains or simply listening to the leaves rustle in the camphor tree outside...it doesn't really matter as long as I get those sweet minutes to myself. Then, I usually unnoticed slip back in to my life a little less annoyed and a little more renewed for the everyday hustle and bustle of my chaotic, yet, meaningful life. So, what I seemed to think was a simple distraction has become a characteristic that I not only admit but embrace...the chronic daydreamer....that's me! I wonder where will my mind will take me today?

Thursday, February 9, 2012

THAT kind of day

Have you ever had THAT day? THAT kind of day that just throws you so far out of focus that you just cannot seem to find your way back again to before THAT day?
Well, I had THAT day two whole days ago and still find myself a little off kilter until I saw THAT photo hovering above these rambling words of mine. The beautiful message reads "Whatever happens in your life, whatever your pain, remember that God always sends rainbows after the rain."
It always strikes me as odd when you need to find your focus and then you stumble across something just like this. For whatever reason, call it just a random photo, a coincidence or divine intervention, but, it still amazes me when this happens.
My, as the photo calls it, "rain" was seeing my child hurting after a very bizarre and totally unexpected accident. We were walking down the sidewalk in front of his school and did not see an uncovered water meter. He took a step and his small foot fit perfectly inside the exposed hole that none of us saw. He immediately fell forward and crash landed right into an iron pipe protruding out of the ground which hit his forehead and tore his chin open. I just caught him falling out of the corner of my eye and a split second later he was on the ground bleeding.
Why was the cover off the meter? Why didn't I turn around sooner and catch him before he hit the ground? Why did we walk down this sidewalk today and not our usual way home? My mind raced with questions I managed to think but couldn't answer.
Always calm and composed little ole me was suddenly a big ole mess of frazzled nerves. I soon figured out that there is truly nothing worse than seeing your child hurt like that. The kind of hurt you can't hug and kiss away, the kind of hurt that you can't make feel better no matter how hard you try. Just awful. I haven't ever had to really have that feeling and I hope I never will have a reason to again.
Two hours in the E.R. and four stitches later, my little boy was "fixed" and back to his normal self again. In true form for him, he did not cry and he didn't want to talk about it, just fix it and take me home. How could my 5 year old be so much braver than me? Well, I guess it is just called being a mother who simply couldn't handle seeing him that way and not being able to make it all go away.
We went home and the usual rat race began. Homework, dinner time, bath time, story time, bed time, wake up, make the lunches, get the kids to school, go to work , start over again. Today is literally the first day I have had some time to really decompress from it but I felt that unraveled feeling quickly sinking in again and the same questions began to race through my worn out mind.
I have talked to school and city officials about the uncovered water meter. The cover has been attached again, the iron pipe has been buried under a mound of dirt, and after explaining to them that it was more about the lack of safety issue than the medical bill reimbursement, I have decided to file a claim. So, I should feel better about my quick and pro active approach right? BUT that sweet little boy with the stitched up chin that he calls "ropes" just makes me sad and I think I will just feel THAT way until it heals.
However, as I randomly wandered around Facebook tonight, and, saw this photo a friend "liked," it just hit me in a good way. Sometimes, it just feels good to be reminded that there is that rainbow after the rain clears. So, random photo, coincidence or divine intervention, thank you. Thank you for helping this frazzled mom focus again. Now, back to the rat race....