Thursday, October 21, 2010

You Gotta Have Faith

Definition of Faith: Belief in, devotion to, or trust in somebody or something, especially without logical proof

As life would have it, mine has taken a twist of fate this week and it has left me in an awkward state of fear and hope. I am going under the knife tomorrow. The doctor has decided, due to my history and the size of this baby, it would be in our best interest to have a C-Section. It was a path I did not want to take, but, at the same time, I have to be sensible about this.
For obvious reasons, this impending surgery has rattled my nerves and there is a part of me that cannot shake the fear of history repeating itself. However, I can still feel that slight glimmer of hope that life cannot be that cruel to me again this time.
Enter faith....I have been encouraged so many times throughout this pregnancy that, to put it simply, "you gotta have faith."
I was raised Catholic, attended Catholic schools, and was taken to mass every Sunday by my devoted mother who strongly believes that you do not question, you just believe. So, the concept of faith is more than familiar to me. I just wish I had my mother's clear cut insight about faith sometimes. It would be easier to be so full of faith that there was no room for doubt.
I think, for the most part, I do believe in the power of faith. I have felt comforted by prayer and I don't like thinking that life is just life, and, it ends as we no longer cease to exist. (Sure, there might not be angels floating on clouds with the soothing sounds of harps in the background when we 'cross over', but, I admit, I would like to feel some kind of eternal peace and be surrounded by loved ones who have passed before me.)
So, come tomorrow, I am leaping into my (more than half hearted) faith that the baby will get here safely and I will make it through the surgery without my body playing potentially fatal tricks on me this time.
With that said, I am looking forward to seeing this little boy who has been so rowdy in my tummy for nine months.....Enjoy your last night of raising hell in there, little guy, and mommy will be there, with open arms, to welcome you as your new adventure, called life, begins.

Image Credit: Little Angels by Santi Raphael