Jumanji: The Next Level

                 July 1st: Level 7: Congratulations! You have made it to the next level of Jumanji.

That's how it's starting to feel when we make it through another month of this dreadful year we are all having.  Above are the expressions we all make when we lift our phones and sign onto social media to see what new challenges the day is bringing as if all the other ones up until this point weren't enough. So far, we've had a global pandemic called COVID-19 which has brought us daily reports of newly infected cases and death tolls. It has altered everything! The way we socialize, shop, educate our children and live. The mask has become the new bra...They are uncomfortable but you have to wear them in public or everyone notices you are not. However, people still refuse to even though it has been recommended and in some locations mandatory. We don't argue about the benefits of bike helmets, life jackets, or sunscreen, but we argue about masks?? Doesn't make sense people! Just wear a damn mask!
Then, we have had murder hornets. Yes, hornets that commit murder...well, kind of. They are large Asian hornets which generally don't attack people but bees, and, yet, we have managed to give them a scary name and exaggerated their size. Why? Because we can and it is just another way to perpetuate fear in a time when everyone is already fragile. Also, did you know flushing drugs down the toilet can create hyper-aggressive alligators? Oh yes! Meth gators. It's a thing too. Oh 2020, what are we going to do with you? It's too much for one year. You should have spaced it out, but, let's keep going...
There were videos released by the U.S. Department of Defense showing unidentified flying objects maneuvering around Navy pilots. UFOs! E.T., Close Encounters of the Third Kind, Independence Day! Hollywood loves this shit and so do we, but, believe it or not, no one really seemed to even care. Are we so drained by the pandemic that something as potentially amazing as the possibility of real extraterrestrials, not the movie kind we are used to, visiting us and the government actually acknowledging it, doesn't even faze us? Well, that seems to be the case as it's 15 minutes of fame was short-lived and already tucked away. Come on, people, they were airborne heat-emitting objects without wings performing aerodynamics that no known aircraft can achieve and we are not intrigued or even impressed? Well, I'm personally disappointed in you all. It could have been an amazing discovery or at least a really good and much-needed distraction at this time.
Okay, point made and I'll move on. Another passerby that made the news...The giant Godzilla dust known as the Saharan Dust Cloud made its way to us this summer. Like the murder hornets, hugely exaggerated by the media, but it did happen. I didn't see anything different personally, but another good headline to add to the list.
In other news, Kim Jong-un was reported dead then not dead, Prince Harry walked away from the British monarchy and became a commoner like the rest of us, Bernie felt the bern and dropped out of the presidential race leaving us with "Sleepy Joe" Biden as the contender against "The Donald."
And last but certainly not least. A video showing a police officer using excessive force against a black man named George Floyd and how his death has unleashed a wave of Black Lives Matter protesting and riots across our already divided country.
Let's be honest, we live in a world where more people are interested in Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston speaking to each other at an awards ceremony than the out of control fires in Australia back in January (which I don't even know what happened to since we rolled into this haze of coronavirus monopolizing our news) People would seriously rather talk about the Tiger King and if Carol totally killed her husband than a dead whale being found in the middle of the Amazon rain forest so I don't have much faith in our society to mend and heal from the real issues we should be dealing with.
As much as I would love to throw a turkey in the oven, string a few lights, and open a few presents and call it a year, it's not that easy and I'm not sure it should be either. Maybe we need to see 2020 as an opportunity for our society to rethink, change, and grow. We have all had to process and adapt to the same issues but how we do it, whether on our own or together, could write the next chapter to this ongoing story we are living in and leaving behind to the future. For example, we can remove flags and statues all day but unfortunately, that will not remove the ignorance or hate inside of someone. We need to change minds not history right now. Do we want to be remembered as the most heated groups of blacks vs whites, democrats vs republicans, mask wearers vs non-mask wearers, do you catch my drift? I would like to see it end with a period that reflected perseverance, compassion, and development other than an exclamation full of negligence, indifference, and instability. I guess what I'm trying to say is less talk, more listening. Either way, we are on the next level together but will we make it to the next one if we don't stop fighting and pulling ourselves together (while wearing your mask and staying 6 feet apart of course!)  and forming some real communication and progress other than adding to the daily bombardment of challenges? You may think the choice is yours, but, the answer you come up with becomes everyone's answer so choose wisely, and keep in mind, we still have 5 more levels to go.

Coronavirus 2020: The Global Burden

I finished my last post unplugging from social media to find a simpler, kinder, and less distracted life that I had been craving. Boy, what a difference a few months can make! News of the coronavirus had been circling around on the news feeds even then, but, it had been confined to China. Then, Italy....Spain.....etc....then, suddenly Washington. Wait, what, Washington!?! That's when it hit me.... This is not like something my generation has seen before! In a short time, this became not just a country's burden but a global burden.
So, my planned hiatus has been put on the back burner as I have found it virtually impossible to keep up with the latest news by not partaking in social media. As we all social distance, quarantine, wear masks, limit essential shopping, endlessly wash and bathe our hands in soap and sanitizer, virtual school our kids, watch mass on youtube, facetime our family and friends, and maneuver through the endless amounts of fact vs. myth, statistics, memes, press conferences, and local-national-global news, what are we doing so we don't lose our minds over this overwhelming amount of daily pandemic chaos?
For me, I created my "save my sanity" spot where I can escape outside, drink out of my favorite coffee mug, listen to the birds, enjoy my tropical garden, and remind myself, oh yeah, it is Springtime! It is my place to "Bee Happy" as my pillow suggests, delve into sights, colors, tastes, and sounds that make me happy, and most importantly, have a couple of minutes each day to peacefully remember what I am still grateful for through this highly unusual time. Creating this space that inspires and reflects me has truly been my saving grace. It comforts me and re-energizes me when I return back into the coronavirus lifestyle we have become necessarily accustomed to.  What are you doing for your own mental health or well being through this time?


                                                     My "save my sanity" spot:

                                                           My Springtime tropical view:

                                                            My favorite coffee mug:

                                                                                                   




                                                                                                   

The Reset Button

I was recently watching Forrest Gump and one scene in particular kept coming back to me. It was when Lieutenant Dan finally let go of the self loathing which had caused him so much suffering. Then, he simply said thank you to Forrest for saving his life, leaped off the shrimp boat, and gently swam off into the distance while Forrest reflected on how Lt. Dan had made his peace that day.
It would be so much easier if we could hit a reset button rather than having to go through years of self punishment and pain to reach a point of acceptance and healing but life is not that simple.
However, a new year does seem to be the closest thing we have. A new year, a new chance to start over. Even though, realistically, every day is a new day as well but people seem to prefer January 1st as their new beginning.
I openly admit self punishment and pain I am not immune to. Some I have control over. Some I don't. So, the ongoing resolutions that I, and, everyone else for that matter, throw around like: Lose weight, eat healthy, sleep more, drink less alcohol, cut down on stress, blah blah blah.... we just can't accomplish if there is more to it. For some there isn't, but, for a lot, those are only the "surface" problems and you have to work out the underlying stuff first. Then, usually, the rest will follow. So, aim big or small with your resolutions. The choice is yours but choose wisely and make it stick.
This year, I'm going big. My first bold move is I'm going off Facebook. Gasp! I know, daring right!?!
The likes, followers, comments, selfies, what you had for dinner, your political views, if you were a spirit animal which one would you be......if I'm being quite honest. I don't care. I have found it more exhausting than helpful for quite a while now and the time has come to fill those wasted moments with more useful things to do. I want to get back to the more simpler life I enjoyed pre-social media and without the distractions it has created. So, the phone is going down and my camera, art pencils, keyboard, and crossword puzzles are getting dusted off. You can see it as me "unfriending you" but I'm not. Now, we don't have to walk by each other on the sidewalk because we already know everything going on with each other from our "feeds." We might actually talk face to face again. Imagine that!
Secondly, and, most importantly, I'm learning to be kinder to myself. I internalize A LOT which is another reason why I need to dust off my old tools for stress. Sometimes,that inner voice I battle needs an outlet too. So, me and that little voice of mine are getting some much needed TLC.
And that's it but enough for now. So, finger out. Reset Button hit. Here's to a happier, simpler, and less distracted 2020.

And the award goes to....

As I scrolled through social media today, I saw several accounts posting photos of their middle school children who made the honor roll. In no way, shape, or form is this post that I am about to write meant to cast any shadow over these children or their accomplishments. I truly looked at all of them with admiration and joy for their proud parents sharing their academic achievements as a representation of how hard each and every one of them have worked to earn this kind of recognition. It takes intelligence, yes, but, it also, takes an even bigger amount of discipline, focus, and commitment, especially, when it is much easier to get side tracked by the distractions and pressures that comes with this age. So, just the simple fact that they found the right path, and, stayed on it should be celebrated even more than these grades.
With that said, my post is to show praise and to cast a light on my child in a way that many, but, not all, out there in my boat don't really seem to share enough. And to the children that deserve so much recognition, but, don't seem to get it because of the way we measure accomplishments in our school system, this post is dedicated to you all as well.
Okay, here I go...Our reality is that our middle school child will probably never share that stage with your honor roll children and we are okay with that. What we are not okay with is instilling him with any kind of nonsense that he does not measure up to society's standards of what deserves recognition though.
There have been many times over the years where he has been the only child in his class that had to go sit in the office while his classmates had been carted off to receive academic awards without him.
There have been many times over the years where children have bragged to him about these awards and pointed out to him that he never receives them.
He has been asked why he goes to the resource room everyday?
He has been asked why he is not really good at talking or listening, or, even school for that matter?
He has had years of his dedication and interest and EVEN his diagnosed and documented language disorder questioned.
Let me make it perfectly clear. In our house, we don't make excuses and he is not allowed to either. He has a mixed receptive and expressive language disorder. What does that mean? It is a communication disorder that neurologically impairs his ability to understand spoken language and to use spoken language to communicate with others. How does that carry over to the classroom? He requires more exposure and repetition to learn new concepts and he struggles to vocalize answers in a way that demonstrates enough proficiency in these concepts. Hence, the resource room, where he is able to receive and review what he is learning at a more individual and manageable pace. It does not effect his intelligence in anyway, just his speech and approach to learning which is something he has greatly improved in as a result of early intervention, therapies, resources, and an incredible support system that has nurtured him with lots of love and encouragement.

So, when I look at my son and his journey up to this point, I see this:
I see a baby that was more emotional and fearful than others.
I see an insecure toddler that would not attempt to vocalize, and, instead, he would use everything but words to let us know what he wanted and the frustration it caused him when we didn't understand.
I see a pre schooler that was told he was not ready for kindergarten because he had not been able to demonstrate that he could identify his shapes, colors, and letters.
I see a kindergartner that could only speak around 20 words and fell behind quickly as the academic screenings began.
I see a second grader that was retained another year and was told by teachers that he needed to pay attention more.
I see a 3rd grader that had to take the FSA tests like everyone else no matter how overwhelming it was going to be.
I see a 5th grader who had to sit through one final round of honor roll awards at his graduation without his name being called.
I see a child that has had to watch his own brothers excel academically at their own awards ceremonies.

But you know what I really see:
I see eyes that began to twinkle and the most incredible smile that followed every time he grasped a new concept.
I see a child that never, not even once, has complained about all of the years he has had to go through speech and language therapy, resource rooms, and doctors' offices to assist him with his disorder.
I see a child that has openly told and explained to others about his disorder to educate them without hesitation.
I see every resource teacher and doctor that tell me what a joy he has been to work with.
I see him proudly holding his elementary school diploma in his hands knowing, without being told, how hard he worked to receive it.
I see a child that dreams about being a fire fighter and has never doubted his abilities to learn the trade and do it well.
I see a child that does his best and does not blame or use his language disorder as an excuse for his poor grades.
I see a child that refuses to give in or give up.
I see a child that will be just fine and will do well at whatever he sets out to accomplish.
and, finally, I see a child that has always been told that the best view comes after the hardest climb and he keeps proving it every step of the way.

You see, in our house, we strive for C's or above for him. Does he always hit the mark? No. Does he hit it sometimes? A lot.
Will there be any kind of awards or recognition for children from the resource room at school? Probably not. Should there be though? Yes. Absolutely.
Until then, my son and I will gracefully, always be happy for others, as they receive their school awards while we celebrate his accomplishments on our own. In turn, my hope is that society learns to broaden our ways that we measure success so it starts getting reflected more in schools and, that we realize on our own, without reading posts like this, that everyone deserves recognition in one way or another.
So, to my resource child and yours out there. Here is your spotlight. This is your praise and recognition that I am sharing: I see you, I see you all, and I have genuinely felt what it is like to be in your world and I get it. I have been in those rooms with you where you have been questioned, examined, tested, and judged. But I have also been in those rooms where you have been taught, challenged, encouraged, and supported. I have seen you walk in deflated and walk out elated. I know you spend everyday starting where you are at, using what you have, and doing what you can to learn and prove it to people but you only have to prove it to yourself. You have to do the climbing. It is your hill and your view. No one else. Congratulations to all of you on your hard work.

Scrooges Beware

It is starting to become more evident that the holidays are upon us. That wonderful smell of pine is in the air as the Christmas tree lots have popped up, the twinkling Christmas lights are being strung across every neighborhood in town, the UPS trucks are furiously whirling up and down the streets, and the bell ringers hoping to fill their pots have returned to many stores.
Yet, what I call the "dark side of the season" has returned as well. The shops are crowded, the traffic is backed up, the horns are honking, the profanity is swinging, and that heavy and hostile restlessness that only the holidays can bring is back in full swing too. Apparently Bah Humbug has been replaced with Go F*** Yourselves as I have heard it way more than my oh so delicate ears can seem to handle lately. I mean really!?! Come on, people. We can do better than this. Must we push and shove and honk and yell through the season? This is clearly not the way it should be and here is my own personal solution to all of this negative and unnecessary madness.

Every week, I try to go to church. It is my one whole and sometimes only hour a week where I can reflect, ponder, replenish, and pray. (Yes, mostly in that order) It is like I get to repair and realign myself before crazy Monday rolls around. As I closed my eyes and bowed my head yesterday, I found myself going in a different direction than usual. I thought more about the tension I have been feeling than the joy I am supposed to be filled with this time of year. I mean I am in church surrounded by the real reason for the season, so, I too can do better than this. This is the conclusion I came to for my thoughts and prayers:
I reminded myself to shop small and give more......that a kind gesture or some meaningful quality time is more priceless than anything I can possibly find in a store.
I promised to stay calm and live in the moment instead of getting overwhelmed and distracted by the noise and the crowd.  Whether it's a jam packed holiday parade or Santa making his debut at the mall, we are all there for the same reason. However, impatience skews not only our eyes but the perception of what we are trying to experience.
And lastly, I prayed to live in the moment....see the twinkling lights, hear the angelic music, and most importantly, feel the love more than the loss of our loved ones as we cherish Christmas pasts and make our own memories this Christmas and for those to come. What I do now is what will be remembered to others. Leave them with the same quality of memories that I have been left with to cherish.
The true magic is stored in our hearts and we can either add to it or deplete it. It's our choice. This year, I choose to add it. So, scrooges beware.

Photo Sources:
http://www.picturequotes.com/bah-humbug-quote-18025
http://www.swagbucks.com/?t=i&q=christmas+garlands

Damn you cancer!

I think there can be this common misconception that always putting positive thoughts and actions out into the universe will keep us clear of bad things. Yet, I can't help but notice that some really good people have had to go through a lot of really bad shit making you realize part of life is not fair, no matter what we do.
However, it never ceases to amaze me the strength and perseverance we have as humans to overcome....For every bad thing, we still manage to look for silver linings and, somehow, somewhere, we find them. I've often tried to believe that life is 10% of what happens to us and 90% of how we react to it. When I have had it bad, well, there is always someone that has had it worse, I try and tell myself.
Then, this past May, I noticed a teeny tiny little pinpoint of a spot on my nose that easily bled and wasn't going away. That little spot turned out to be basal cell carcinoma which has robbed me of enjoying my summer with my kids and turned into one dermatologist, one plastic surgeon, two surgeries to remove it all, one surgery to cover the hole that I was left with, and one future surgery to now reconstruct it back into, hopefully, looking like my nose again.
 I have had skin cancer before. This is actually my fourth time, so cancer and I are no strangers to each other, but, thankfully, the three others were nothing like this one. If you are wondering how long I had it before I went to the doctor? Not very long at all. I had it biopsied 3 weeks after I first noticed it and removed a month later. I even had a full skin assessment the month before I noticed it but it wasn't visible yet. So, I have always been and was proactive, but, by the time this one surfaced enough for me to see it on the outside, it had already formed a pretty deep and nasty tumor on the inside.
So, back to the 90% of how I can react positively to this depressing and difficult experience. Yes, it was treatable. Yes, it is now gone. Yes, it could have been worse. Yes, I survived you again cancer! However, that other 10%, that allows me to feel sorry for myself, the "why did this happen to me when I try to do everything right?", makes me sit down and look at my nose and think, damn, I've been through a lot of shit and this has definitely been one of them.
They say for every scar, that it proves you are stronger than whatever tried to hurt you; Well, this scar,  I'm not quite there yet. It is still very real and raw and not quite done with me, but it will get there too, like the rest of them, and remind me that I did persevere, I did overcome, I did find the silver lining.

The True Patriot

 

    Theodore Roosevelt once said,  "Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official." Yet, when you live in a time when people are so consumed with political strife, does the true patriot manage to see beyond it and still exist?
     Every day, our news and social media is flooded with negative reports and remarks about our current government. Our freedom of speech is used to condone the slew of insults being thrown at our president and each other. Then, it turns to everything else. Racism, illegal immigration, breaches of security, environmental concerns....Are our schools safe? Do gun laws need to change? How do you even begin to navigate through these daily (and heavy) doses of scrutiny and maintain your true dedication and belief that this still is the best country to be in?
    However, here it is. Our day is upon us. 4th of July, our Independence Day. Our greatest day to be patriots and show our pride. It rolls around every year and we raise up our American flags, we wear our red, white, and blue, we eat our hot dogs and drink our beer, and we gleefully finish our day with fireworks because, for this given day, we are all patriots. We unite to love our country. We show our American pride. We are happy to be here and nowhere else. I put on these flip flops every year and join right in too. Then, it's July 5th, the flags are taken down, the good vibes wear off, and all of the nasty news and mud slinging is back . One day, it is pride in our country together, the next day it is conviction in our beliefs against each other. If we don't believe in freedom of speech for those we intensely dislike or disagree with, is it possible, then we really don't believe in it at all?
Now, don't get me wrong. I am proud to be an American and I have my own set of beliefs that I appreciate being able to voice, but, it is the lack of respect towards our elected officials and each other's beliefs that I truly have a problem with.
    Part of my patriotism always flourished with sharing our country in the belief that we lived in a extraordinary place where you didn't have to agree with everyone here, but, you did have to respect what all others thought. To me, our country is a melting pot full of different cultures, traditions, and, yes, beliefs, that make us all different but the same in the desire and success to live here and freely practice around each other and not against each other.
   We elect officials. Sometimes we get our way, sometimes we don't, but, contrary to disagreement, they are still your president if you live here and I don't share the belief that if they do not represent our chosen party, it gives us free reign to criticize everything they do. Whether I have voted for them or not, I have supported each and every one of them. I don't have to like them but I do want them to succeed. They succeed, we succeed as a whole.
     So, even though, Mr. Roosevelt, gives free reign to separate the two, I do want to be patriotic AND support my government. I want our country to succeed and flourish but I don't believe it can with the way we inundate ourselves every day with such negativity about our country and the issues we face.
    We abolished slavery, we put a man on the moon, we are a great country! We have a voice, a powerful voice that is commanding and heard near and far, but, I guess, the question I am asking is how do you use your voice? Do you respectfully speak or do you overwhelmingly shout with it?