And the award goes to....

As I scrolled through social media today, I saw several accounts posting photos of their middle school children who made the honor roll. In no way, shape, or form is this post that I am about to write meant to cast any shadow over these children or their accomplishments. I truly looked at all of them with admiration and joy for their proud parents sharing their academic achievements as a representation of how hard each and every one of them have worked to earn this kind of recognition. It takes intelligence, yes, but, it also, takes an even bigger amount of discipline, focus, and commitment, especially, when it is much easier to get side tracked by the distractions and pressures that comes with this age. So, just the simple fact that they found the right path, and, stayed on it should be celebrated even more than these grades.
With that said, my post is to show praise and to cast a light on my child in a way that many, but, not all, out there in my boat don't really seem to share enough. And to the children that deserve so much recognition, but, don't seem to get it because of the way we measure accomplishments in our school system, this post is dedicated to you all as well.
Okay, here I go...Our reality is that our middle school child will probably never share that stage with your honor roll children and we are okay with that. What we are not okay with is instilling him with any kind of nonsense that he does not measure up to society's standards of what deserves recognition though.
There have been many times over the years where he has been the only child in his class that had to go sit in the office while his classmates had been carted off to receive academic awards without him.
There have been many times over the years where children have bragged to him about these awards and pointed out to him that he never receives them.
He has been asked why he goes to the resource room everyday?
He has been asked why he is not really good at talking or listening, or, even school for that matter?
He has had years of his dedication and interest and EVEN his diagnosed and documented language disorder questioned.
Let me make it perfectly clear. In our house, we don't make excuses and he is not allowed to either. He has a mixed receptive and expressive language disorder. What does that mean? It is a communication disorder that neurologically impairs his ability to understand spoken language and to use spoken language to communicate with others. How does that carry over to the classroom? He requires more exposure and repetition to learn new concepts and he struggles to vocalize answers in a way that demonstrates enough proficiency in these concepts. Hence, the resource room, where he is able to receive and review what he is learning at a more individual and manageable pace. It does not effect his intelligence in anyway, just his speech and approach to learning which is something he has greatly improved in as a result of early intervention, therapies, resources, and an incredible support system that has nurtured him with lots of love and encouragement.

So, when I look at my son and his journey up to this point, I see this:
I see a baby that was more emotional and fearful than others.
I see an insecure toddler that would not attempt to vocalize, and, instead, he would use everything but words to let us know what he wanted and the frustration it caused him when we didn't understand.
I see a pre schooler that was told he was not ready for kindergarten because he had not been able to demonstrate that he could identify his shapes, colors, and letters.
I see a kindergartner that could only speak around 20 words and fell behind quickly as the academic screenings began.
I see a second grader that was retained another year and was told by teachers that he needed to pay attention more.
I see a 3rd grader that had to take the FSA tests like everyone else no matter how overwhelming it was going to be.
I see a 5th grader who had to sit through one final round of honor roll awards at his graduation without his name being called.
I see a child that has had to watch his own brothers excel academically at their own awards ceremonies.

But you know what I really see:
I see eyes that began to twinkle and the most incredible smile that followed every time he grasped a new concept.
I see a child that never, not even once, has complained about all of the years he has had to go through speech and language therapy, resource rooms, and doctors' offices to assist him with his disorder.
I see a child that has openly told and explained to others about his disorder to educate them without hesitation.
I see every resource teacher and doctor that tell me what a joy he has been to work with.
I see him proudly holding his elementary school diploma in his hands knowing, without being told, how hard he worked to receive it.
I see a child that dreams about being a fire fighter and has never doubted his abilities to learn the trade and do it well.
I see a child that does his best and does not blame or use his language disorder as an excuse for his poor grades.
I see a child that refuses to give in or give up.
I see a child that will be just fine and will do well at whatever he sets out to accomplish.
and, finally, I see a child that has always been told that the best view comes after the hardest climb and he keeps proving it every step of the way.

You see, in our house, we strive for C's or above for him. Does he always hit the mark? No. Does he hit it sometimes? A lot.
Will there be any kind of awards or recognition for children from the resource room at school? Probably not. Should there be though? Yes. Absolutely.
Until then, my son and I will gracefully, always be happy for others, as they receive their school awards while we celebrate his accomplishments on our own. In turn, my hope is that society learns to broaden our ways that we measure success so it starts getting reflected more in schools and, that we realize on our own, without reading posts like this, that everyone deserves recognition in one way or another.
So, to my resource child and yours out there. Here is your spotlight. This is your praise and recognition that I am sharing: I see you, I see you all, and I have genuinely felt what it is like to be in your world and I get it. I have been in those rooms with you where you have been questioned, examined, tested, and judged. But I have also been in those rooms where you have been taught, challenged, encouraged, and supported. I have seen you walk in deflated and walk out elated. I know you spend everyday starting where you are at, using what you have, and doing what you can to learn and prove it to people but you only have to prove it to yourself. You have to do the climbing. It is your hill and your view. No one else. Congratulations to all of you on your hard work.

Scrooges Beware

It is starting to become more evident that the holidays are upon us. That wonderful smell of pine is in the air as the Christmas tree lots have popped up, the twinkling Christmas lights are being strung across every neighborhood in town, the UPS trucks are furiously whirling up and down the streets, and the bell ringers hoping to fill their pots have returned to many stores.
Yet, what I call the "dark side of the season" has returned as well. The shops are crowded, the traffic is backed up, the horns are honking, the profanity is swinging, and that heavy and hostile restlessness that only the holidays can bring is back in full swing too. Apparently Bah Humbug has been replaced with Go F*** Yourselves as I have heard it way more than my oh so delicate ears can seem to handle lately. I mean really!?! Come on, people. We can do better than this. Must we push and shove and honk and yell through the season? This is clearly not the way it should be and here is my own personal solution to all of this negative and unnecessary madness.

Every week, I try to go to church. It is my one whole and sometimes only hour a week where I can reflect, ponder, replenish, and pray. (Yes, mostly in that order) It is like I get to repair and realign myself before crazy Monday rolls around. As I closed my eyes and bowed my head yesterday, I found myself going in a different direction than usual. I thought more about the tension I have been feeling than the joy I am supposed to be filled with this time of year. I mean I am in church surrounded by the real reason for the season, so, I too can do better than this. This is the conclusion I came to for my thoughts and prayers:
I reminded myself to shop small and give more......that a kind gesture or some meaningful quality time is more priceless than anything I can possibly find in a store.
I promised to stay calm and live in the moment instead of getting overwhelmed and distracted by the noise and the crowd.  Whether it's a jam packed holiday parade or Santa making his debut at the mall, we are all there for the same reason. However, impatience skews not only our eyes but the perception of what we are trying to experience.
And lastly, I prayed to live in the moment....see the twinkling lights, hear the angelic music, and most importantly, feel the love more than the loss of our loved ones as we cherish Christmas pasts and make our own memories this Christmas and for those to come. What I do now is what will be remembered to others. Leave them with the same quality of memories that I have been left with to cherish.
The true magic is stored in our hearts and we can either add to it or deplete it. It's our choice. This year, I choose to add it. So, scrooges beware.

Photo Sources:
http://www.picturequotes.com/bah-humbug-quote-18025
http://www.swagbucks.com/?t=i&q=christmas+garlands

Damn you cancer!

I think there can be this common misconception that always putting positive thoughts and actions out into the universe will keep us clear of bad things. Yet, I can't help but notice that some really good people have had to go through a lot of really bad shit making you realize part of life is not fair, no matter what we do.
However, it never ceases to amaze me the strength and perseverance we have as humans to overcome....For every bad thing, we still manage to look for silver linings and, somehow, somewhere, we find them. I've often tried to believe that life is 10% of what happens to us and 90% of how we react to it. When I have had it bad, well, there is always someone that has had it worse, I try and tell myself.
Then, this past May, I noticed a teeny tiny little pinpoint of a spot on my nose that easily bled and wasn't going away. That little spot turned out to be basal cell carcinoma which has robbed me of enjoying my summer with my kids and turned into one dermatologist, one plastic surgeon, two surgeries to remove it all, one surgery to cover the hole that I was left with, and one future surgery to now reconstruct it back into, hopefully, looking like my nose again.
 I have had skin cancer before. This is actually my fourth time, so cancer and I are no strangers to each other, but, thankfully, the three others were nothing like this one. If you are wondering how long I had it before I went to the doctor? Not very long at all. I had it biopsied 3 weeks after I first noticed it and removed a month later. I even had a full skin assessment the month before I noticed it but it wasn't visible yet. So, I have always been and was proactive, but, by the time this one surfaced enough for me to see it on the outside, it had already formed a pretty deep and nasty tumor on the inside.
So, back to the 90% of how I can react positively to this depressing and difficult experience. Yes, it was treatable. Yes, it is now gone. Yes, it could have been worse. Yes, I survived you again cancer! However, that other 10%, that allows me to feel sorry for myself, the "why did this happen to me when I try to do everything right?", makes me sit down and look at my nose and think, damn, I've been through a lot of shit and this has definitely been one of them.
They say for every scar, that it proves you are stronger than whatever tried to hurt you; Well, this scar,  I'm not quite there yet. It is still very real and raw and not quite done with me, but it will get there too, like the rest of them, and remind me that I did persevere, I did overcome, I did find the silver lining.

The True Patriot

 

    Theodore Roosevelt once said,  "Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official." Yet, when you live in a time when people are so consumed with political strife, does the true patriot manage to see beyond it and still exist?
     Every day, our news and social media is flooded with negative reports and remarks about our current government. Our freedom of speech is used to condone the slew of insults being thrown at our president and each other. Then, it turns to everything else. Racism, illegal immigration, breaches of security, environmental concerns....Are our schools safe? Do gun laws need to change? How do you even begin to navigate through these daily (and heavy) doses of scrutiny and maintain your true dedication and belief that this still is the best country to be in?
    However, here it is. Our day is upon us. 4th of July, our Independence Day. Our greatest day to be patriots and show our pride. It rolls around every year and we raise up our American flags, we wear our red, white, and blue, we eat our hot dogs and drink our beer, and we gleefully finish our day with fireworks because, for this given day, we are all patriots. We unite to love our country. We show our American pride. We are happy to be here and nowhere else. I put on these flip flops every year and join right in too. Then, it's July 5th, the flags are taken down, the good vibes wear off, and all of the nasty news and mud slinging is back . One day, it is pride in our country together, the next day it is conviction in our beliefs against each other. If we don't believe in freedom of speech for those we intensely dislike or disagree with, is it possible, then we really don't believe in it at all?
Now, don't get me wrong. I am proud to be an American and I have my own set of beliefs that I appreciate being able to voice, but, it is the lack of respect towards our elected officials and each other's beliefs that I truly have a problem with.
    Part of my patriotism always flourished with sharing our country in the belief that we lived in a extraordinary place where you didn't have to agree with everyone here, but, you did have to respect what all others thought. To me, our country is a melting pot full of different cultures, traditions, and, yes, beliefs, that make us all different but the same in the desire and success to live here and freely practice around each other and not against each other.
   We elect officials. Sometimes we get our way, sometimes we don't, but, contrary to disagreement, they are still your president if you live here and I don't share the belief that if they do not represent our chosen party, it gives us free reign to criticize everything they do. Whether I have voted for them or not, I have supported each and every one of them. I don't have to like them but I do want them to succeed. They succeed, we succeed as a whole.
     So, even though, Mr. Roosevelt, gives free reign to separate the two, I do want to be patriotic AND support my government. I want our country to succeed and flourish but I don't believe it can with the way we inundate ourselves every day with such negativity about our country and the issues we face.
    We abolished slavery, we put a man on the moon, we are a great country! We have a voice, a powerful voice that is commanding and heard near and far, but, I guess, the question I am asking is how do you use your voice? Do you respectfully speak or do you overwhelmingly shout with it?

Live Laugh Love

Live Laugh Love.
I have always considered myself lucky for having what I see as the perfect balance of children.
My oldest child is our intellectual one. He analyzes, debates, and ponders his way through life. He is always thinking, always challenging. He lives large and dreams even bigger.
My youngest child is our joyous one. He lightens our moods, provokes laughter, and provides us with never ending amusement. He has such a happy, imaginative, effortless, and light-hearted approach to life. He brightens even the dullest moments which we are grateful for.
My middle child is the heart of our family. He loves openly and unconditionally, he is patient, he is kind. Simply put, he is a good person and inspires everyone else to be. He is such a treasure and I am so proud of how he demonstrates his true character no matter what the world throws at him.
To the one who reminds me to live, to the one who reminds me to laugh, to the one who reminds me to love....I see it, I get it, I feel it, and I thank you for it.
Sometimes it is not always obvious and we need others to remind us of the things we shouldn't take for granted. I am lucky to have these best three reminders daily.
Live Laugh Love.

Play

Play: verb - engage in activity for enjoyment and recreation rather than a serious or practical purpose.

Our friends have an annual open house on New Year's Day. It is something we always look forward to as we know we are always guaranteed a relaxed afternoon catching up with old friends, meeting new ones, and enjoying good food and company all in a welcoming atmosphere while we gently ring in the first day of the New Year. The children play, the adults catch up, the potluck is always delicious and plentiful, and we cherish the tradition of pulling out a word out of a container our host provides to help set us on the right direction for the new year.
My word this year was play. Huh, play, I thought. My friend swears with such sincerity that the container is never wrong, like the words find your fingers...instead of us choosing them, they might actually be choosing us. So, play, I'll play along, what are you trying to tell me?
The word itself might initially conjure up children and not adults. A sort of silly and mindless recreation not really thought of for someone my age. So, do you want me to play more with my children? No, I'm immediately thinking that is not it. This word is entirely for me. I need to play. I need to add some play time into my life. Is that it and what does that mean?
Well, it got me thinking, what can that word mean and how it could apply to something I am lacking to the point where this small piece of paper was drawn to my finger tips?  So, I started my quest to applying this word to my life this year by looking it up (yes, I actually did and the definition is at the top of the page) and the word in the definition that caught my eye was enjoyment. Play is another word centered around enjoyment and not just recreation. Okay, now I might be onto something!
Something that I have been presently aware of lately is that I center so much of time in making life enjoyable for others that I lack seeking happiness for myself, but, what if I cut others out of the equation, and just focus on myself for a little while today? Could I find some of my own happiness if I stopped entertaining others and played by myself today?
Okay, paper, I committed myself to seeking out play today, not knowing exactly how or when it would surface, but, I will clear sometime for myself to find something enjoyable to do.
Then, surprisingly, the house cleared out. One son went off with his grandmother, the other two went down the street to play with a neighborhood kid, and the hubby left to run errands. Very rare for a Saturday, so I quickly jumped on it and said, "Okay, so play Mary, play."
Hmm, how do I start? Well, I fed my belly with some really good ramen today so why not feed my soul I thought as I gathered my props.

On went the Sumatra Coffee in the Keurig, up went my Sam Cooke playlist on my phone, and out came the paint and paint brushes from Christmas.  

The paint easily flowed on the canvas while I sipped my coffee and, half way through the soothing tune of "Bring It On Home To Me",  I had an epiphany and realized how undeniably and blissfully happy I was in that moment. I was thoroughly enjoying this very unusual and long over due break from the norm. I was playing!
Through some dark roast, acrylics, and Sam serenading me, I found my own sweet version of this word called play. This is my word and it did find me and as Sam Cooke would say, "It's been a long,
long time coming but I know change is gonna come." Oh yes, Yes it will, Sam!
So, what if it was your turn to play and feed your soul...What would you do if you had some down time?

Love Not Hate

                    How does love become hate and how do you turn hate back into love again?

The world we live in has become such a strange and volatile world to me. Strange in the sense that we are are seeing such an increase in hate filled rallies that are being passed off as "freedom of speech"  instead of calling them what they are and what they are intended to be.....movements motivated to cause actions and reactions by hate filled people justifying it as their 1st amendment right. Volatile in the sense that exercising said "rights" rarely remain productive or peaceful to the cause they are promoting with violent outcomes almost always expected.
There is a white nationalist speaking in Gainesville today. I have read his background and his platform yet still struggle to understand what his concrete stance is and what he is trying to achieve beyond racism and provocation.
My husband is in law enforcement and he was deployed to Gainesville yesterday to join the increased security in the hopes of deterring violence and maintaining safety. It is certainly not something that I am comfortable with but I have accepted it as part of being married to an officer. Everyday is diverse for him, and, this day will undoubtedly be like no other for him as he dons his riot gear and stands his ground in hopes that he is met with no angst that requires his intervention.
It's always hard to explain to our children the complexities of his job. Law enforcement has taken such an ugly turn and, yet, walking a day in their shoes is not something often considered. He stands there today as an officer in riot gear which is the role he chose but I see a husband, father, and son under that mask that his spectators today won't see. I always try to remain straightforward and honest to our kids as I answer their questions about his job, but, this event is obviously more hard to explain since it is difficult for me to understand how these people, all spouses, parents, and children in their own respect, are there to support or argue events that are motivated by hate.
So, I ask you how does love become hate and how do we turn it back into love again?
#Gatorsnothaters #lovenothate #prayforpeace