Catch Me If You Can...9/11/01 - 5/1/11

The last (almost) ten years since 9/11 have been like lighting a fire and watching it slowly burn out....So much rage, anger, fear, sadness, senselessness, sorrow. We were suddenly flooded with so many overwhelming emotions because of such a horrific and inconceivable chain of events. That day wounded our nation, bruised our egos, and scarred our hearts, but, we slowly picked ourselves back up, promised to never forget, and vowed to avenge....someday.

Then, to our surprise, that day came......The Internet, televisions, cell phones, social networks, they all came alive, and, like a wild fire, an unexpected announcement that would stir us all up again, was spread out over the air waves.

The enemy, the monster, the villain, the one man whose name instantly rattled our chains, Usama Bin Laden, was found and killed by our Navy Seals. Just like that, it was over. He was dead. Justice had been served. Our military accomplished, what seemed to be, an impossible mission, for us...for payback...for closure.

I don't know how I feel. My reaction is to rejoice but I know it's not over. I have so much faith in our military, and, if you mess with the USA, well, it may take a matter of time, but, you will not get away with it. However, terrorists breathe in hate the same way we breathe in hope. So, the hope I am feeling now that we are a little safer and stronger as a result of Bin Laden's death, is not so naive as to think that this news is not fueling a fire in a distant land with his supporters who will pick up the reigns and wage their next battle with us.

For now, however, I have decided to keep my mind wrapped around these thoughts:

-The Navy Seal Team Six are AMAZING! They are such an elite group of highly trained soldiers who act out these missions like superheroes to us, but, to them, it's just their job. AMAZING.

-Bin Laden is gone! I will not believe or even entertain any conspiracy theories, rumor mills, gossip, etc...I have no morbid curiosity to see his death photos, I do not doubt what the government has released about the events as they unfolded, and I accept whatever decisions were made as to how and why they killed and disposed of him.

-I am deeply saddened but not surprised as to how people have ignited this as a political issue. I will not solely praise or discredit our president for this and our republican or democratic beliefs should not surface over this. FACT: He is our Commander-in-Chief. He oversees our military and he authorized the kill. FACT: The Navy Seals were assigned this mission and their mission was accomplished. It should not be interpreted any other way and we should not be nit picking right now over who deserves the most credit. They all do and everyone else involved in this chain of command. This extraordinary day should not be a time to remind others that we are all Americans, and, patriotism is a devotion to one's country for no other reason than being a citizen of that country. Appreciate our government AND our military who worked together on this for our nation that we all share.

Last but certainly not least, my thoughts and prayers go out to all of the families and friends of our victims from 9/11. I know this will never bring their loved ones back or even begin to erase their loss, but, I hope this extraordinary announcement brings them some sense of peace tonight.

Thank you Mrs. McAuliffe

Originally posted 9/14/2009 - I am re-posting this in honor of the heroic people who perished on the Space Shuttle Challenger 25 years ago today:


Where were you January 28, 1986 at 11:39 am EST?
I was standing on the grass with the rest of my class staring at a streak in the sky and, not aware just yet, of the impact that image would have on me. That 'streak' was the Space Shuttle Challenger exploding before my eyes. This disaster claimed the lives of: Francis Scobee, Michael Smith, Judith Resnik, Ellison Onizuka, Ronald McNair, Gregory Jarvis, and Christa McAuliffe, a teacher participating in the Teacher In Space Project. I admit I had to look up some of their names, but, it was important to have each and everyone of them here with me as I try to explain how that moment was my first sobering lesson in life.
Minutes earlier, my little catholic school in that sleepy little circus town off the Gulf of Mexico was alive. A perk of living in Florida is being able to, sometimes,view glimpses of the space shuttles launching from the Kennedy Space Center. We also followed this particular one closely since it involved a teacher whose purpose on this voyage was to literally teach us all about "The ultimate field trip" and to relay to us "Where we've been, Where we are going."
I was one of a bunch of giddy students lined up and ready to rush out the door when we got the signal from the principal over the intercom. We were finally allowed to pile out onto the front lawn and watch the space mission make it's mark in history. Our teachers fluttered around us to make sure we were paying attention and looking in the right direction so we didn't miss the moment. Then, it happened...The very visible streak shot up in the clear sky. We were elated that we were able to see it from that little patch of grass so many miles away. Our heads rattled around and the chatter started as the explosion occurred and the trail of smoke split off in different directions across the sky. Our principal,who had been monitoring the launch and the explosion from a TV in her office, awkwardly stepped out and approached the other faculty. Their moods changed and their expressions gave way to our imaginations. We were herded back into our classroom without an immediate explanation while the flaming debris was crashing into the Atlantic Ocean.
The silence broke and the news was released to us and we all sat slumped back in our chairs and I wondered.... Oh, how I wondered! How and why do things like that happen? What was Christa McAuliffe's class' reaction? Did they know something was wrong before it exploded? Unanswered questions just kept pouring into my brain as my thoughts ran deeper than they had ever done before.
Christa McAuliffe perished in the explosion along with everyone else on board. However, she, somehow, in spirit, still managed to teach me this final lesson:
I learned to dream big; I learned there were ordinary people who believed so much in our world that they often put themselves in extraordinary positions for the rest of us; I learned that there weren't always happy endings; I learned that sacrifice was a part of life; I learned recovery was necessary and we must fix things to still keep moving forward; I learned to never forget those moments and that they are to be used as stepping stones to mark who you are and help build the path to where you are going in life. Thank you Mrs. McAuliffe. You taught me more than you will ever know!
So, where were you January 28, 1986 at 11:39 am EST?


Note: Challenger image copied from the following website: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Space_Shuttle_Challenger_disaster

New Year, New Hope

10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.......HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

I love celebrating the arrival of a new year! It is like cleaning the old and haggard slate off and turning a crisp and clean new leaf! It re-energizes me and fills me full of new hope for what lies ahead.

However, I DO NOT, and, I repeat, DO NOT believe in New Year's resolutions. If you are not living up to your potential or if you have to set goals or change something about yourself, it should not be done as a 'resolution.'

Can't we just celebrate another year without setting (usually) unrealistic expectations for ourselves? Life is challenging enough without adding, what I see as, additional and totally unnecessary pressure.

So, with that said, if I don't already like you, promising to be nicer to others is not going to change my mind. If my weight has not budged in years, promising myself to drop fifty bazillion pounds is not going to happen. Luckily, I don't smoke or have any other serious vices, but, probably quitting cold turkey, I'm guessing, is not a good idea. Especially for others who have to be around you while you fight your urges for a couple of very long and torturous days!

If I have to choose a resolution, for arguments sake, then, let it be this: I promise to continue being myself instead of wasting any time pretending to be something else.

Without resolution, I shall simply remind myself of this as I welcome the new year:Life..It goes by so fast, and, the years, well, they just don't last. So, always live for the future and forget about the past....Happy 2011

Image credit: found on http://www.bing.com/

My Three Sons

It has been a very busy two months since I last wrote on my blog, so, I took a moment to read my last entry. It was written the day before my C - section and I remember all of the hope and fear I was feeling about the birth of my third child. Needless to say, as I sit here typing this, he got here safely and I survived the entire ordeal.
Well, actually, I somewhat hate to admit it, but, 'ordeal' might not be the right word for the experience. I couldn't have asked for a more supportive team of nurses before and after the surgery. They knew of my blood clotting history and went above and beyond to take care of me, physically AND emotionally. To them, it might have been just another day at work, but, to me, it was like having a huge cheering section during a very rough game. So, kudos, to all nurses and the wonderful ones I met that day.
Now, it's time to brag about the baby! A big and beautiful baby boy! He is healthy, happy, and an absolute joy to be around. It was a long and bumpy road getting to this point. There were times I didn't think it was possible and the injections I had to take were painful, but, it proved to be all worth it in the end.

My four year old has taken a little encouragement to pass on the 'little brother' title to our new baby, but, he is (gradually) warming up to having him around.

My six year old, well, two little brothers into it now, considers himself to be a pro at this and I have to agree with him! It is truly heartwarming to see the interest and devotion he has for his new brother.

So, I guess you could say I am very in love with and proud of my THREE sons! They inspire me, exhaust me, amaze me, humble me, and, complete me. I am truly blessed.

You Gotta Have Faith

Definition of Faith: Belief in, devotion to, or trust in somebody or something, especially without logical proof



As life would have it, mine has taken a twist of fate this week and it has left me in an awkward state of fear and hope. I am going under the knife tomorrow. The doctor has decided, due to my history and the size of this baby, it would be in our best interest to have a C-Section. It was a path I did not want to take, but, at the same time, I have to be sensible about this.
For obvious reasons, this impending surgery has rattled my nerves and there is a part of me that cannot shake the fear of history repeating itself. However, I can still feel that slight glimmer of hope that life cannot be that cruel to me again this time.
Enter faith....I have been encouraged so many times throughout this pregnancy that, to put it simply, "you gotta have faith."
I was raised Catholic, attended Catholic schools, and was taken to mass every Sunday by my devoted mother who strongly believes that you do not question, you just believe. So, the concept of faith is more than familiar to me. I just wish I had my mother's clear cut insight about faith sometimes. It would be easier to be so full of faith that there was no room for doubt.
I think, for the most part, I do believe in the power of faith. I have felt comforted by prayer and I don't like thinking that life is just life, and, it ends as we no longer cease to exist. (Sure, there might not be angels floating on clouds with the soothing sounds of harps in the background when we 'cross over', but, I admit, I would like to feel some kind of eternal peace and be surrounded by loved ones who have passed before me.)
So, come tomorrow, I am leaping into my (more than half hearted) faith that the baby will get here safely and I will make it through the surgery without my body playing potentially fatal tricks on me this time.
With that said, I am looking forward to seeing this little boy who has been so rowdy in my tummy for nine months.....Enjoy your last night of raising hell in there, little guy, and mommy will be there, with open arms, to welcome you as your new adventure, called life, begins.

Image Credit: Little Angels by Santi Raphael

Change is Gonna Come...God, I hope so!

Change is gonna come..... God, I hope So!

It is, finally, August! A month I have been waiting for all summer long!

This summer, my husband and I celebrated another anniversary. In good times and in bad, as the vows go, and, although, it went by without much hoopla, we are still together and that's what truly matters.

Our youngest son turned 4 years old and has quickly learned to ride his bike without training wheels. It took a whole 10 minutes to teach him! Yes, I am bragging about my very coordinated and awesome child! He never ceases to amaze me! He definitely does not get his impressive level of athleticism from me!

My oldest son's summer has been all about his teeth. He finally lost his first tooth after weeks and weeks of wiggling it with much anticipation. The tooth fairy paid its first visit to our house one late summer night and another milestone has been added to his list.

More memories, more days gone by, it always make me question where have all the years gone?

7 years and 20 lbs ago, I can still feel the combination of excitement and anxiousness I felt as I slipped on my beautiful wedding dress to begin this chapter of my life. It was that day, the only day, I have ever allowed myself to let my guard down and be a self indulgent princess. Although, I thoroughly enjoyed, but, do not desire that much indulgence in my everyday life, I quickly began a yearning to feel some sort of excitement and anticipation for something again.....

Then, the babies came along....two incredible boys, two years apart. The midnight feedings, teething, crawling, walking, the exciting and tiring life of parenthood. When one accomplished one thing, the other was not far behind. Oh, how my boys have kept me both entertained and busy over the years.....

These days, however, I have spent more time chasing my tail than my dreams. So, I have come to the conclusion that it may take change to renew my family and remind us of why we do it all in the first place.

That is the point where we are at now as August has swooped in like a breath of fresh air and put an end to a very long, hot and monotonous summer.

My youngest is following in his older brother's footsteps and starting his turn at preschool, and, so, his scholastic journey is about to begin. His adorable Diego backpack is purchased, his new sneakers have no idea the workout they are about to endure and the pleasure of watching him smile as he tells his brother he is a "big boy now just like him" makes my heart soar.

My frustrated husband is taking the proverbial 'leap of faith' at work as he has decided to make his life a little more complicated in an effort to move us out of our financial rut. He is returning to school to crossover into another line in his department. His pay will be temporarily cut while he finishes his training, but, his new position will allow him to access more opportunities, which will, hopefully, in a short amount of time, compensate us financially. I respect him for shaking things up and taking risks in the hopes of getting ahead. How many times in our own lives do we suppress our dreams or opportunities in fear of failure?

As for me, I am waddling (literally) straight into my third and final trimester. I admit it, it has been a long, hot summer and it has been physically challenging trying to entertain my very busy and rambunctious boys. I am, unselfishly, looking forward to some much need 'me' time when the boys are in school. I know it will be short lived, as the baby is due in less than three months, but, I will take it and love every minute of it, no matter how long it lasts.

So, change is gonna come and our lives are going in a different direction once again. This excitement and anticipation I am feeling for my family is just what this worn out and worn down lady needed.

Six Down, Three To Go

Six down, three to go......in terms of months that I have carried this child and what I have left until his arrival.

I had my 24 week check up yesterday, and, for some reason, the severity of my situation started sneaking up on me again. The baby is fine. More than fine. He is growing on target, his heart rate is strong and he is moving around all of the time. Me, however, well, I am starting to crumble a little.

Blame it on hormones, or, that I may not be as brave as I thought I was, but, the impending birth has gotten me a little unraveled and I am not comfortable letting my demons get the best of me, especially now.

I unfairly told my doctor that, "I need to get through this without any complications this time."

Okay, yes, he is NOT God, and, ultimately, can only do what he has been trained to do, but, it was my way of admitting aloud that my past bad experience with blood clots has put fears in me that I never had before.

My doctor knows me well and is literally one of the most caring and compassionate people I have ever met, so, as expected, he did his best to reassure me that he is doing everything possible to get me and the baby through this safely.

I left his office reluctantly believing him after his somewhat necessary pep talk, but, I still felt a little uneasy for the rest of the day.

I woke up this morning with a little better outlook on the situation and read something that couldn't have come at a better time.... The Greek Philosopher, Aristotle, believed that "Fear is pain arising from the anticipation of evil." Hmmm, he may be on to something!

These unsettling emotions I have been feeling has prompted me to ask myself why I am still allowing myself to remain a victim to a painful event of my past? Even more so, why am I letting it distract me from the joy I should be feeling right now about meeting my new son?

So, I have decided that this may FINALLY be my opportunity to free myself of this fear that I have been suppressing for years! I need to GO through this and I need to GET through this to prove to myself that I can have happy endings again.

My final thought that I must keep reminding myself for the next three months is that my blood clot MAY have weakened my courage but it has NOT destroyed my faith!

What demons, if any, are you hiding today?