My Moral Compass

 I usually tread lightly these days when it comes to politics. I was raised in an era when I sat with my family around the television and we watched two intelligent and well-qualified opponents respectively debate their differences. People mainly voted to support their stances and handled the outcomes calmly and acceptingly. After all, the greater good of America was built on supporting and defending the constitution and a crucial part of that was respecting the election process and pledging allegiance to its chosen leader. 

When I was able to vote and I have continued to do so all these years, each time I cast my ballot, I feel less confident and more unsure of the direction this country is going in. My decisions have always been driven by educating myself on not only the issues but the candidates and using my moral compass to guide me to the best outcomes I can live with. 

This past election, I didn't question my moral compass but I did ask myself if I was the only one even using them anymore along with a lot of other questions I didn't think I would be asking myself......

Now this is the part that gets sticky with others. 

My main two questions I kept going over and over in my head were how does a man facing three criminal cases and a sentencing over a felony conviction even have the right to run for president? (and I am talking from a moral stand point not a legal one) and when did the price of groceries and securing the border take precedence over addressing school shootings/gun violence and women's reproductive rights?

Before being a republican or a catholic, I will always be a woman and a mother. I have had a miscarriage and a silent miscarriage that required a D&C procedure. I cannot imagine being in a situation where the laws on miscarriage are vague and depends on the state's new abortion laws that may deny care for those who are actively miscarrying. I also have stood paralyzed with fear in a distant parking lot near my son's school waiting for our students to get released in batches after a school threat that turned out to be false but seemed real enough to even fool the cops into barricading the school and sweeping each class with the SWAT team and their guns drawn before releasing our terrified teenagers. Furthermore, this same son was out with his friends one night when a gun was pulled out and used to shoot someone near them. Once again, paralyzed with fear on what the world has become as I rushed in my car to gather terrified teenagers away from the scene. 

It was disappointing to see gun violence not even addressed at the only debate given for this past election and for women's rights to be infiltrated by the government where it doesn't belong. 

So, I had confidently made my decision, going against my party, as I clearly knew my moral compass only led me in one direction. To me and my moral conscience, I was not wrong but had to face the unwanted result and the continuing disdain for how this country's chosen leader will harshly and vindictively chase his issues that are not the ones that concern me the most. However, I accept it respectively because I was raised that way. 

Recently, on Facebook I saw a post where a friend of mine expressed her concern about the elected president and how he does not align with their beliefs and what they want for their children so much so that they were considering moving to another country. One of her Facebook friends chimed in how it was such a poor lesson to uproot her children based on fear.  Her response was that her friend was one of the ones who voted to destroy her kid's future.  Then, another person followed with a personal attack on other parts of my friend's life and how she was not moving, just attention seeking. I bowed out of reading the comments at that point and I'm sure a lot of "unfriending" surely followed. This behavior is exactly why I tread lightly. 

The years of intelligent and respectful debating is over, and, that is, ultimately, the true issue as Americans that we should care the most about. Without respect and being able to see our differences from other perspectives, we are causing further division and extremism, not only in our society but our government and I am pretty sure that is not what our founding fathers wanted when they established our government and gave us our independence. I believe in this country and I will not be unfriending people for not supporting my beliefs and if anyone actually takes the time to reads this, I hope my post encourages you to do the same. Can we at least start there or I should I be dreading to see what the next election looks like after 4 more years of disrespect for each other?

I Choose To Remember.....

 

Feathers by Donna Ashworth

I left you a little white feather

I placed it right there in your way 

I wrapped it in love with a message 

To let you know you'll be okay

I drew you a colourful rainbow

It followed your car for awhile

I made it a beautiful rainbow 

I hoped it would show me your smile

I flew down a beautiful robin

It landed right there on your ledge

I prayed he would give you the strength

To push yourself back from the edge

I try every day to remind you

That I never did go away

The feathers, the rainbows, the robins

Are my way of trying to stay.

On 9/11, 

I choose to remember the lives, not the lives lost. 

I choose to remember the strength and determination the first responders showed.

I choose to remember the unbelievable heroism reported from every location.

I choose to remember the importance of defending and protecting our nation.

I choose to remember the rare spirit of public unity, prayer, and patriotic sentiments that surged.

I choose to remember the sound of the cascading water at the 9/11 memorial that drowns out the outside world and offers a tranquil space to reflect and respect all those affected by that day.

I choose to remember the everyday reminders, the feathers, the rainbows, and the robins that comfort us all and let us know that the other side has still found ways to stay.

The "M" Word

 

                                                       Menopause by Artist, Vi Mosely

The "M" word, menopause. I don't know what the"meno" is but I know all about the pause! There are not many parts of me left that have not been put on pause from this and I'm not sure how to restart any of them. 

For me, it has not been, like everything else, the more common symptoms that you hear all about. Yes, the fatigue, sleep deprivation, hair thinning, and, belly fat, but, have you heard of cold sweats, digestive issues, and contractions?? Yeah, I know, leave it to me to try and stand out from the rest! LOL! Seriously, though, after a weekend of breathing through the pain while my teeth chattered, I've learned the twists and turns of how my body is truly suffering while my estrogen is sadly draining out of me.

My body has carried me through three pregnancies, two miscarriages, and a pulmonary embolism not to mention all the scrapes, cuts, and scars I've put it through. We faced them together, both me and it, telling us both what to do, but, this is different. It is the first time I've felt that we are separated and not communicating the way we usually do. I don't like this disconnect and I need to unpause myself sooner than later.

My usual reaction to everything is to not ask for help, grit my teeth, and push through it but all the self -care I can do on my own like following an inflammation diet, taking supplements, and getting exercise are not going to change the fact that I need my estrogen back, dammit! So, my journey begins with finding a doctor that will work with me and my blood clot history (since my current one will not) to customize some kind of hormone therapy that my body can tolerate and feel better with.  Research has led me to the understanding that gels are safe options for me and I feel knowledgeable enough to discuss and advocate for myself given I can find the right doctor. 

So, I leave you with this. Making jokes about hot flashes or not bringing up the "M" word is not going to cut it. This is way more than what you have been told or what you thought it would be and living in the shadow of your former self is not necessary or even smart for that matter. Don't listen to your mom, aunt, sister, cousin, coworker or friends. This is not their menopause. This is yours. Knowledge is power and yes, those weird symptoms are menopause just as much as the more common ones. The fog won't lift if you don't blow it away. Eat the greens, proteins, and nuts, drink your calcium, and find time to stretch and walk in the sunlight and relax but get to the doctor and be honest. Say the "M" word, menopause, out loud and get your life and vitality back asap. Your body, mind, and soul will thank you for it!

Photo credit: https://pixels.com/featured/menopause-vivian-mosley.html

Fear

 “It is said that before entering the sea

a river trembles with fear.

She looks back at the path she has traveled,

from the peaks of the mountains,

the long winding road crossing forests and villages.

And in front of her,

she sees an ocean so vast,

that to enter

there seems nothing more than to disappear forever.

But there is no other way.

The river can not go back.

Nobody can go back.

To go back is impossible in existence.

The river needs to take the risk

of entering the ocean

because only then will fear disappear,

because that’s where the river will know

it’s not about disappearing into the ocean,

but of becoming the ocean.”

–Kahlil Gibran, "Fear"

In Kahlil Gibran's poem "Fear," the river represents the human journey of battling fears and accepting change. As it approaches the vast ocean, it pauses to reflect on how far it has come and how difficult it was to get to this point. The path it took had its share of challenges and beauty, but, everything up until this moment, is about to be left behind because turning back is not an option since this life's journey offers no escape. 

The river needs to plunge into the unknown in order to proceed. Once it blends with something bigger than itself, it starts to accept and understand that its brave deed was all part of the process. It did not vanish in the expanse of the ocean but it embraced it and became a vital part of it which opened the river up to all the space and beauty the ocean has to offer. 

Overcoming fear can feel impossible and crippling. It is heavy and confining as it weighs you down and blocks the view to how it can be conquered and even transform you if you find the strength to face it. Choosing to stay in its existence will never allow you the space or freedom to discover your inner wisdom and see life as trials and tribulations that must be lived and dealt with to keep a healthy and consistent flow during your journey here on Earth. 

Whether you are in the winding river, plunging into the ocean, or basking in the wide open sea, you will face or have faced fear to get there. The path doesn't tell you that it is vital to hold tight to your confidence but the water moving you along will remind you that each and every wave is necessary in the process of finding and keeping yourself not only sustainable but happy in that ocean. 

The Next Step

 

The Boy, The Mole, The Fox and The Horse by Charlie Mackesy

The boy and the horse are in the woods and the boy says to the horse, "I can't see a way through" and the horse replies, "Can you see your next step?" The boy responds, "yes." "Just take that," said the horse. 

It is so easy to become overwhelmed and lose track of life's path so much so that we focus more on not being able to cope with the lack of clarity in the destination that we completely forget about the journey and the steps we need to take to get there. 

I love this book and how the characters represent the different parts of ourselves. The inquisitive boy who is eager for knowledge, the mole with his enthusiastic but greedy nature, the fox, oh the fox! The withdrawn and wounded side of us...and the horse. The horse is the wisest and deepest part, the soul. 

It is a perfect and beautiful balance of the meanings of life wrapped in truth, friendship, and profound conversations we should all have with ourselves and those around us.  

So, to the overthinkers (myself included), stop always looking for the way through. Look for the step instead. We spend so much time and energy focusing on the end that we lose our direction and our capability of seeing what it takes to get there.  

The woods are our mental health and how we can turn each branch into self-doubt, impatience, and fear that we, unfortunately and quite often, hold onto. The what ifs, the whys, and the hows that we burden ourselves with. But the steps, each footprint filled with self-worth, patience, and bravery, which, have the ability, to turn all of those whys into why nots! 

That's what you need to start thinking (but not overthinking!) about......Each step can clear a branch. each purposeful and well-intentioned footprint can move you closer to the desired outcome. So, listen to the horse, see the next step, and, for God's sake, just take that!

The Dash - 2024 Edition

 As 2024 approaches, it’s time for me to put  my intentions out there and to use this post to inspire me to keep them throughout the year. 

I’m using The Dash by Linda Ellis as my foundation for my approach and adding this to it: I would like my life’s actions of 2024 that will be rehashed through my dash to be filled with reminders of gratitude and reflecting on where my many but often ignored intuitive hunches took me as I am concentrating on delving into them as they present themselves without question and actually seeing where they go for my biggest change this year. 

Read the poem and tell me what stands out to you and how you plan on filling your dash this upcoming year. 

The Dash by Linda Ellis

I read of a man who stood to speak
at the funeral of a friend
He referred to the dates on the tombstone
from the beginning...to the end.

He noted that first came the date of birth
and spoke the following date with tears,
but he said what mattered most of all
was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time
that they spent alive on earth.
And now only those who loved them
know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not, how much we own --
the cars...the house...the cash.
What matters is how we live and love
and how we spend our dash.

So, think about this long and hard.
Are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left
that can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
to consider what's true and real,
and always try to understand
the way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger
and show appreciation more,
and love the people in our lives
like we've never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect
and more often wear a smile,
remembering this special dash
might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy is being read
with your life's actions to rehash,
would you be proud of the things they say
about how you spent YOUR dash?

A "Hmm" Moment

Think

POSITIVE

   Today, I was talking to a family member I find rather judgmental, and I decided to shift the conversation and propose a new topic about positive attributes. When asked, not what their most positive one was, but, our immediate family, it was interesting to see how trying and uncomfortable it was to say something nice and not rebound back to the negativity. Each time it shifted; I redirected the request back to just summing it up into one positive attribute about each person we were discussing. The words that finally surfaced were perseverant, resilient, curious, and patient. Then, I pondered using those words to focus on rather than shifting back to the less flattering ones I hear more often.

    Two take aways I had from this. For me, it doesn't feel good to concentrate more on the negatives than the positives in relationships. It changes the mood, functionality, and overall quality and benefit of even having it at all. However, when it comes to family, it's different and way more complicated. I have been stuck in bad relationships and felt overwhelmed to muster up the energy and discipline to either change or exit them all together.  The severity of the disfunction and the wisdom I have picked up along the way on how to properly handle it, though, has, mostly likely, either distanced or removed me from most of them all together. So, when talking to someone at a different place in life about worthy relationships that need a little mending, a positive shift in the words we use and how we feel about them is a perfect way to start introducing some thoughts that will hopefully grow and prosper.

    Secondly, I found hearing how someone else sees you, especially in a family role, summed up into the most prominant word that first comes to mind is both surprising and enlightening. Not in a bad way at all. More like a "hmm" moment. I don't think we ask ourselves or people how they perceive us enough and there is definitely some food for thought in that conversation. Furthermore, having someone see an attribute in you that you didn't think of or realize should only add to your self-worth so never take away something negative from it. 

    Those lil nuggets of knowledge shared with you should make you feel good when offered and don't disagree with them or question them. Then, maybe being focused and appreciative will be some future attributes shared with you!